A few days left

My heart beats every morning when I wake up because it is one day closer to my husband's visit. I miss him so much, I mostly miss cooking for him. I hate missing his smiles and happiness. I wish we were growing in our marriage side by side. But hey is all good, some days are better than others. It can be frustrating- it isn't easy. Somedays, I don't feel like talking on the phone and how do you explain that when the phone is your only life line to your spouse. I like that residency has kept me well distracted from my emotions. I am very busy and I like it- it makes the day go by fast and it makes me focus on everything that is going on around me.

I love you Mr. Jude Chikaodinaka Iheanacho and I can't wait to listen to your heart beat. muah!

How did this weekend go by?

It has been a short weekend .... I went to bed late on Friday, at 0830 to be exact. Why? I have been having difficulty sleeping. It has happened on three consecutive days and I usually feel horrible in the AM. I think I am a little home sick; I miss my family and friends. It catches on to me sometimes. Anyways I've got to get up from this bed and prepare for church.

Freedom

I've taken a break to watch Girlfriends.  I am stuffed from eating too much food :)  I had a great relaxing bath in my jocose and after that a nice nap.  I met a Nigerian woman at work and I am looking out for some more.  Sometimes I wonder how much I have to give up, for my life gets more difficulty daily.  My life was simple and uncomplicated as far back as I could remember.  I always had time to meditate, time for school, time with my great family and with my friends.  It was lovely ... I had a lot of guy friends, because it was easier.  You know how guys can joke with other guys, make fun of each other and no one gets upset.  And that is why I always have guys friend ...it was my way of getting out of the competition that goes on at my home.

Till today i can still make fun of my guy friends and they will just make fun at me back until we have to go.  It is being free, it is  being insensitive about nothing.  It is understanding each other and knowing that the other will never hurt you, it is knowing that we got each other's back.  It is a little different with some of my other friends.  Sometimes they judge that I will judge them before I even start talking.  It is like trying to read my mind but deliberately expecting something ill of me.  It is like there is always this competition of who is more right than the other, at times all I think about is how to stay sane or how to stay happy or happier.  I do that a lot with my siblings and my parents, should I argue or let it go.  Let it go, and forget about it is almost always my choice.  That earned me the name quiet and respectful one amongst my family.  My Sister Lilian can be odd sometimes but she knows I will not fight her back and it is funny the one person that tells me to stand up to them cannot stand it when I stand up to her.  Or when I question something that she did...I cannot say the normal joking things that I say to other people.  I have to create a different set of joke with her.   So was it always like this and I missed it.  Even now on the phone, I feel like we run out of things to talk about.  In a way, it is like we are no longer of interest to each other.  The times we do spend on the phone, I pay attention and I try to be careful because we may end up just going to bed without proper good byes.  Is it bad to think our friendship may not last, is it a coward thought to think this?  it is scary to fight over dumb things ... I think this is why they saw the woman or man is always right - my translation is let it go because it is not about winning this argument it is about being happy and staying sane.  But it is always about winning and who will apologize first, and a lot of sadness and bad thoughts following the fight.  So we know ourselves, one fight, then another, then another, then a very big one and then ... wow  

We secretly do what we need to do to avoid one but then she likes to uplift herself, o I have been doing this to prevent one, you like to start something ... does it sound to you like children?  well it does to me.  I will no longer try to come up with solutions because she gets angry that I came up with it and I am trying to boss her around and make her follow it....It doesn't matter to me any longer.  A lot of things does not matter to me any longer, I like being me and our weakest habit is communication and it has hurt us and it will continue to hurt us until ... too doos have a wonderful night

Today so far

Men! for some reason I cried myself to sleep and it felt good to cry; it was as if I let go a lot of crap...well I woke up at 0500 and showered then went back to sleep.  This time I didn't have to cry my self to sleep.  I woke up and off I go to work in the yard.  I worked all day cutting down the two big trees in my backyard.  I mowed the lawn and I did a beautiful job especially compared to last week lol.  I met Mr. Chuck (my backyard neighbor) he is hilarious.  Get this his starting line was no one told him he has a beauty for a neighbor.  We talked about a lot and he gave me some hint about my lawn an trees.  Everyone here has been wonderful.  I am having a wonderful day and nothing will ruin it for me.  I will shower and go down to the park and then to the base to run ...I feel exceptionally well today and I haven't spent time on Facebook (need to cut down more) or myspace (cut down a lot) or hi5 (cut down plenty).  It is a good day to do ALSO.  Be good y'all!   

Sigh ....

For now I can't keep up with my blog- I need to prioritize.  I miss my hubby, my family and friends.  I am enjoying my calling hence I have very little regrets.  I am ready to start a family and I look forward to what God has planned for us.  I look forward to learning a lot about wifehood (especially supporting my military driven husband), motherhood, sisterhood, daughterhood, granddaughterhood, friendhood, christianhood and at the same time a servant to all of my patients.

PR 6/11-6/16

I just returned from PR and it was ok.  Lots of good times and some annoying times that ruined things slightly.  I need to stop imagining things because rarely does it happen based on my imaginations. Later...

I am trying to be numb

Its been a while I visited you...for some reason I remember to write when something interesting happens in my life.  I remembered it like yesterday when I learned that I should be careful the words I use to my loved ones, because they will remember it forever.  An apology results in forgiveness but how come it is so difficult to forget.  My theory is if you help yourself understand why you are wrong this one time, I bet it will help you not to repeat it again.  For example let us say your husband complains about how you only think about yourself and so you went out and bought your hubby an expensive watch when you both are in a pretty severe financial ditch.  Oh he is raged and angry and wants you to return it.  Now you are angry because you expected him to be excited but instead he tells you the same things, he screams at you saying think! think! think!

Stop... evaluate why he is angry? he is not angry about what you bought ...today he doesn't like what you bought because of your financial situation.  Don't conclude that he never thinks anything you do is right ...it is just inappropriate today.  He probably could have said it in a much nicer way, but understand that he is frustrated and no one is ever happy when in a financial ditch.  Why am I telling you this...I am reading a series of book about how to stay married ... I will be very honest with you.  My husband and I are in love and because of that we argue- sometimes I even feel like he is competing with me- 'let's see how many people will think I'm right and you are wrong" but at times depending on the situation, you are just wrong not a whole lot you can do about it.  I have a lot to learn myself and I will go on to keep reading.

Chow!