Love that is lonely is like a root that

is scrambling with its soil to germinate

My heart has been lonely this past few months

Without you, things are a lot difficult

There is no one to share my deep thoughts

or secrets with, no one to tease, 

no one to talk too when there is a horrible day

which unfortunately happens often.

I miss cooking for you and your smiles

I miss the comfort of laying next to you

Love is strange but when it finds you,

you become one in the other

We have both found a certain dependence 

in each other that we both crave 

We have been apart for too long

and in a few weeks we will be in each others arms-

Shy at first but then acquainted in a few seconds

I love you and I pray that our love will never die.

Muah!

The shameful things that women do!

This week has been strange.  I some how got dragged into a matter involving two couples- one of them being a relative.  Interestingly, his boo broke up with him because he is a goat and so on.  It all started at 0230 when I got a call from this relative and I answered- now I am a worrier.  So I asked is everything ok.  He replies please stay on the phone, she is here and I want you to just talk to me.  She comes in hugs and kisses him and then gets angry made a few comments and leaves.  Then I ask, wassup?  he answers, she broke up with me three months ago and we talked about it- she said we are not compatible but she has not been able to let me go since then.  She wants me to go to the mall with her? she wants to change at my house? she wants to stop by whenever she wants to? she harasses me with constant text messages? she has accused my friends of wanting to sleep with her.  She wants me to have no friends- she wants to see me miserable- I mean how can I move on with my life.  hmmm interesting I say...he cont'd she has even threatened to run me over with her car and wash me bleed.  I say...OMG! what did you do? Nothing while I was with her but she constantly accuses me of using her because of mistakes I made before my relationship with her.  His mother is concerned and worried.  So I go out of my way to try and reason with the girl- I mean you never know, there might be something I don't know.  She replies me with a lot of anger more towards this relative, mainly about not getting an apology and that she was used.  In the end she says she is trying to move on, so I encourage her and tell her to focus on moving on before she makes the biggest mistake of her life... interestingly she comes back with constant persistence about how everyone around her has done wrong- how something is everyone's fault but nothing is her fault.  I got frustrated and thought- well that's it maybe his mom can reason with her mom.  Especially, since I can't reason with her and his life might be possibly in danger.  Somehow, she discovered my intentions and went aloof, accusing him of stealing gifts she bought for him, accusing him of abuse and rape and threatening to contact the po po- it gets better or worst.  Calls his friends and shares secrets about them to hurt them and turn them against this poor guy.  She drags more people into the "nothing" plus confusion.  Can we grow up please!  I advised this relative to return all of the gifts and he packed it up and gave it to a friend to give it to her- interestingly she refused to accept it from his friend because she wanted to make a public scene and sending a friend will not allow her that honor.  This friend ended up throwing it into her car and walking away and she shamefully drove off.  The shameful things that women do for the sake of men.  It was a sour day in the sweet bitter life of muah!

The First Black American President- 44th President!

A day to always remember- a great speech. I couldn't stop crying because I know that we are embarking on a great journey. One that our forefathers began a very long time ago. We still have to continue praying for God's guidance, he surely knows what he is doing. It is not the answer to the end of racism, but it is a start towards the future of everyone who has experienced what it feels to be a minority. It is the beginning for many people who had doubt in their mind or questioned that they have a voice. I pray everyday for mine and other people's unborn children ... the children of tomorrow- cheers to more freedom!!!

Election Day

Today is amazing for me. A colored US citizen competes for presidency. We have come a long way ...fighting to not have to sit at the back of the bus, to attend the same schools, to worship in the same building etc. You know even if he (i.e. Obama) doesn't win, this is already a change. God has led us this far and is trying to tell the whole world something- maybe we should learn from it.
For me, I never saw so much racism until I moved to the United States and daily I live with it. People trying to guess where I'm from because I made it this far in my career or because of my morals. Or people looking down on me until they know my status. I refuse to distinguish myself until asked. I associate with the other staff including the janitors because they are human beings like me- you know when we all are in heaven, I know none of these things will matter. So why not begin to change things now.
Like I said ...today is already a blessing and a change for me not to talk of other people who never thought or dreamt of a day so beautiful.

I miss him

It is kinda crazy that I never thought I would be this close to anyone. In fact I never allowed myself to get this close and then Jude came along. He is everything to me, I hate it when he's hurt, sad, angry. I hate it when he's not around and I am happy when he's there. Sometimes, I think we are crazy- i mean based on some of the decisions we made because of our future and our families. It makes me wonder somewhat ...
He is gone for OCS and I miss talking with him, I miss talking his ear out, I miss hearing how his day went, I miss hearing him laugh, I miss his beautiful smile ... I can go on forever but it will not make him come home or shorten the duration of his training. I read a letter yesterday that he wrote to me telling me how he feels lonely sometimes not talking to me. You know people I feel the same way. But the irony is that Jude is in training with so many people and I work with so many people and friends but yet we are lonely. It is a diffenrent kind of loneliness- it is sort of like our hearts are starved from each others love.
I love you Jude and you take care of you. Hurry up and come home to me!

He is gone

I miss him so much.  He called yesterday and I was too tired to reach for the phone.  When I listened later for the message it said he was ready for bed and would be checking in at noon the day after.  I waited all morning for his call, and when it finally came I was ready.  I had prepared my good bye and had rehearsed it over and over in my sleep.  I was going to wish him good luck, one that would have been so sweet.  I wanted him to do well his first week but then before I had started he told me he would call back in a minute.  A minute came and went, and then an hour and so on.  ...He never called and I still jump every time the phone ring thinking he will call.  I wish him all the best at OCS.  I love you and my prayers are with you.

Surgery tomorrow

I have waited and waited ....too long.  One of my big fears is now finally here.  My wisdom tooth has grown too deep and around my nerve.  It hurts and now I have no choice but to have it extracted.  I am afraid ...I am afraid that they are going to use general anesthesia.  I am afraid of complications.  I am afraid of post-op pain.  I am scared of not being able to eat.  I am afraid of having to work in pain.  And guess what all of my friends except for Dupree are telling me negative experiences.  I kinda wish that Jude could be there with me but its understandable and I will be ok.