Baby Girl's Christianing

It was a great weekend for our family.  Let me take you guys back a few weeks ago; I was so excited to get her to join the other kids at church to pose with Santa.  She didn't obviously see what I was so hiped up about lol.

Refusing to Smile

Now back to my reason for the post- She got baptized this past weekend.  I had so much stress fun planning it, I put in so much work and then that day she had a fight with me because she didn't want to wear the dress that her diva aunty bought her.  And then just decided to cry through half of the day.  At some point I wondered what happened to my cheerful child.  She screamed and screamed but I had no other dress and I was not about to go late to church.  So I finally (dancing to her, making a fool of myself) got the dress on her and then learned that the dress was too fluffy for her car seat.  lol at me Urghhhh!  after contemplating everything I ended up strapping her as tight as I could and prepared myself to deal with the wrinkles at church.

This is baby girl's why me look?

This was a few days prior to the baptism

I also had to fight family from turning her baptism into a party and I was glad they listened because we just had the main people show up.  We had just the Godpapa and his wife; Godmama and her family; my siblings; and my cousin and her family.

Parents and Godparents (minus their separate families)

cousin ChiChi and family

God papa and wife (minus their five kids)

Godmama and family

There was plenty of food; I cooked a dish every night starting from 5 days leading to the Christianing.  I had fried coconut rice and dodo, ogbono soup, egusi soup, oha soup with pounded yam, chin-chin, meat pie, rice, beans and stew, baked chicken, pepper soup, ukwa/breadfruit.  For a woman with pikin,  I was quite proud of myself.  I was so thankful to see my dear cousin- ChiChi again (it had been since 2007) and to meet her husband and baby.

My siblings (minus one) in their funny pose

My siblings represented well even one brother had his high end camera with stick or pole and took some fancy pictures, the other had a video camera- I was very happy.  Every one of my siblings were present except for my older sister who was in Nigeria (planning her wedding) and my cousin whom I last saw almost 21 years ago was in attendance.

21 years later we meet again

We were so glad that Hubby could make it, he met us at the church and loved my hair.  It was the second time he saw it, he was not sure about it at first but thought he could get used to it.  During the day of the baptism, I'm not sure if it was the excitement of the day or what it was, he whispered how great (his exact word was sexy) I looked.

close up hair picture

Though at the beginning of the day, baby was so overwhelmed by all the new faces, she later warmed up to pretty much everyone.  She did great during the actual baptism because she loves water and thought she was getting a bath lol. Overall, it was a very fulfilling day, for it was our daughter's official initiation and the beginning of her journey through Christ.  My parents did not attend but it was ok because everyone felt at home and we didn't even notice those who were absent because of how blessed we felt.
I also found out that I passed my boards. Thankfully I am now board certified in Family Medicine. So many blessings and I thank you all for your prayers and support...I wish you all many many blessings as we approach this Christmas season.

I Chopped It!

I had been contemplating going natural for a while now and I haven't had much encouragement.  So many tried to talk me out of it including my stylist.. "Oh your hair is so thick, how are you going to comb it when it is natural?" "you said it yourself that they called you stubborn hair" "oh you have healthy hair already so why are you going natural?" "you will regret it?" "It is a lot of work?" 
So I transitioned to get comfortable with the idea and to prepare myself for my future look.  I have always had long hair as a child but I was told that my hair was very annoying and stubborn so my mom chopped it all off (i.e. in my young adult days).  I rocked the punk style back then and loved it (sorry no pictures).  When I moved to the US ummm... yeah those mean high school kids picked on me so mama thought it was time to grow my hair (that was senior year of high school). By prom mom gave me my very first perm ever.  Since then I always showed my hair some TLC and got lucky enough to be blessed with thick hair.

 

 

My hair sophmore year in college- 2yrs of growth

 Then  one day decided I wanted a new look and chopped it to a bob.

Pic of bob already grown out

 And then it grew out even longer but became very difficult to manage and time was not my friend in residency so I always kept it shoulder length. 

Hubby & I at OCS graduation

I had brought up the idea of chopping my hair to hubby and he didn't like the idea of a change but the more I talked about it, the more he became sort of open to it.  So I decided to stop perming my hair this time last year.  Transitioning was very boring for me but I was motivated to keep going for fear of the horror in hubby's eyes if it came out very short.  But it started to get annoying dealing with the two textures and so I decided that it was time to do something about it.

this is my hair-u can't see the two textures because of my hair color

At the Salon Right Before

Baby Girl and I after the chop

I Love it!

 Hubby is away and will return in a few days to see it.  I did not warn him before I did it for fear that he might tell me not to.  But I told him immediately after wards lol via email and he was shocked that I actually did it and is worried about how short it looks and if I look like a dude.  I love it and I'm enjoying every bit of it. Also I don't plan to perm Mmeso's hair and if she ever asks me I plan on telling her that God took all the time in the world to create her so perfectly for her mama and papa.  I hope that she will not care to ask since mummy's hair will look just like hers.

A Tale of Mothers Wanting to Marry Their Sons

Ok I have not met any mom who actually tied the knot with their son but I know two young ladies who their mothers-in-law are doing everything in their power to drive them out of their homes.  I am not sure what to make of the craziness except the mother-in-law must feel like there is someone else out there better for her son.
Ok both ladies are very beautiful and great, hardworking mothers and were doing ok with their husbands until mother-in-law came to "visit", set up shop and refused to leave.  Both ladies have being married for at least five years with 3 and four children respectively. Their marriage had their usual ups and downs but nothing big really happened.
So these ladies (unrelated) called me within 2 weeks  telling me they are leaving their home with their children since the marriage is not working out.  So here I was, thinking it was one of the normal ups and downs a couple may have (I have my usual suggestions), and I brought up for them to try counseling, marriage workshops, even bring it to the attention of the family in Nigeria.... One of the ladies was open to it if it means her mother-in-law left their marital home (hmmm).  My husband added "easy fix! simply get a police order and uproot the woman from your home." The other made it clear to me that she is done since her mother-in-law said during one of their arguments that she actually does not mind marrying her son, and added laughing this is America anything goes.  really? I didn't know this?
The first wifey tells me that their relationship was not perfect so she thought that if momcy-in-law came she would help out more with the kids, so that her and hubby will rekindle their love. But it was the opposite.  Wifey would come back from school and work and the mother-in-law has prepared a meal, ate it with her son, and they both go to sleep leaving her three children till 11 pm on a school night (waiting for their mother to return and feed them). 
The man decided at the beginning of the year that to please his mom (who for some reason hates his wife) he will stop eating his wife's cooking and eat his mom's instead.
On the days he is feeling his wife he takes her out for breakfast (something they enjoyed doing together before all these) he lies to his mom that wifey is taking him to his doctor's appointment and the doctor asked that he fast prior to the visit.  (hmmm) As if it is not enough at night when he wants to be intimate with his wife, he brings their youngest child so that his momcy will not be suspicious. Of What! I screamed Suspicious of What! what de heck! is this April Fools Day? ok at this point my ear was having chills and I asked her for a break to think.  Her voice sounded like someone that had been beaten down and she said it is affecting my children please don't ask me to be patient, everyone has been telling me that.  I just had some questions about applying for nursing school. I asked how long this had been going on and she said three years.  So I advised her to do whatever she felt was best for her and her children.  I guessed at this point she must have tried sending the old woman back to wherever she came from but I didn't want to ask, she sounded so drained and ready to walk away.  I pray for God's strength for her.  We ended with me thinking of all the things I would have done if I was in that same situation....what would you do?
The other wifey, who is in a similar situation had mentioned in the past off and on about her mother-in-law but I always felt it is no different than if your annoying brother came to live with you. But this time she kept repeating "you cannot imagine" and went on to tell me that her mother-in-law formed a habit of preparing meals for only her and her son (mama-in-law by the way is jobless and not contributing to their life in any way or form even to teach the kids their local dialet).  On thanksgiving day, wifey asked that mother-in-law respect the fact that it is a special day and allow her to cook for her family (inviting her to join in as well).  The husband hears this and surprisingly did not object (as he normally does) but his mom starts shouting"ehn! I don't need you to cook for me, whether it is in the name of thanksgiving; is the stove not meant for four pots and why can't it fit the both of us; and my son pays for this house so I have more right to cook here and will cook right next to anybody i want  and I will see which one my son will eat." (this is in the wife's own kitchen) This whole time hubby is reading a newspaper. 
When the kids come home from school and look for their mama to show her their school, mother-in-law cuts in that she is a better mama and what do they need their mom for.  Next time they should run right to her.  When wifey would get a compliment at church, the mother-in-law will cut in proclaiming how gorgeous she was during her youth and if only her son knew he would have been more picky.  At this point I started to laugh because I feel like the mommy-in-law has gone coo coo.  Just imagine you had your time and refuse to allow your son his time and the sad thing is the son allows his mom to terrorize the wife.
Both of these young ladies both mothers-in-law love it when they and hubby fights.  In fact they will sit with their sons and make a mockery of it, sometimes the mother-in-law will lie to her son to purposefully instigate a fight. I guess it really is true that men have a weak spot for their moms but what I don't understand if these men in particular have thought it through or if they are thinking their wives cannot live without them.  Because my thought is, if the wives leave with the children, then what? do they live happily ever after with their moms? I pray for strength for these people because I cannot imagine living like this.

Really? An interracial Couple Banned In God's House?

http://abcnews.go.com/US/kentucky-church-bans-interracial-couples/story?id=15065204

I literally thought the headline was a joke.  This doesn't even make sense...are we still reading the bible? how many times did the bible make reference to Christ not discriminating anyone...to name a few- did we forget about the Samaritan woman at the well, or the many times he sat to chat with the tax collectors and so on.  True love is color blind and the outcast of this couple is ignorant and not Christ like.  I hope this doesn't discourage them from their faith in God.

For Better For Worse

Mmeso being her happy little self as always :)

Thank you all for your comments and thank you also for sharing your experiences.  It is however sad that people can relate to this.  Not that I thought we were the only one in the world going through this, but that this type of thing should not be happening.
In truth, I never felt a necessity to validate my actions before but I had to blog about it because I felt very conflicted in my thoughts.  I had tried my best to stay in tune with all of my loved ones but I felt like the more that they saw that my husband and I were a unit, the more noise they made.  And no matter how we repeated to ourselves that we would not let it bother us, it slowly creeped its way in our many daily conversations; it started to disrupt our sleep and even started to affect our everyday life.  It had become too distracting and since our baby can now tell when mama and papa is sad it made me ask myself whether they were adding or subtracting from my happiness.

Our Ada Jesus!

I love my family very much and will always love them but my parents have sometimes pushed me to the point that I wanted to ask how much do I owe you for raising me? I never said it but so many times I wanted to. I realized a long time ago that I cannot divide myself into two and decided to always stand by my husband and will continue to do so.
Our daughter's happiness is so vital to us, it warms us up when she smiles and you can imagine she does so all the time.  I have chosen to go with my decision to lay low and whenever they receive God and choose to join in this our matrimonial sacrament, then so be it.  We have chosen to be happy and as adults we know what it takes to be happy and for peace to reign in our home. 

US!

 I will continue to pray about it (and for everyone else that is experiencing anything close to this) and I will allow God to take charge.  For anyone else experiencing this, as you pray and await your miracle also remember to stand by the promise you made to your spouse, because hopefully you got married because you saw something great so don't allow anyone else (not even your family) to cloud your good judgment.  Again! I thank God for all of your comments and support.

Pushed To The Wall (Your honest opinion please)

I have been going through a lot of heartache from family members concerning my marriage.  Like many marriages, my marriage was not one of a united front.  Many things were said; he is not this, he is not that, why didn't he do this??? The main point is he is from Imo state and I from Anambra and it is too far and one Imo person from blah blah blah used to do this to their wife and so on (ignorant things basically).
 I met my husband when I graduated from the university, I was only 19 and so marriage was not on my mind.  It took a lot of convincing from my better half and as charming as he can be it was only a matter of time before he won me over.  When we were friends we never thought that anyone would be against us, we saw how perfect things were and never in a million years did we think we would have to prove our love to anyone.  I remember the very first time someone challenged our future marriage; hubby and I were so cut of guard, we couldn't speak for a second as if we were both saying "what happened to you, were did you come from?" "looks like love just messed you up and shoved you off the side walk."Hubby and I fasted and prayed because they were actually from people that mattered (Family).
So after many years of what I called 'prayerful waiting'  the issue was brought up and to our surprise close family friends and family had different single men and women waiting for us to consider.  Seriously? we thought...what is really going on? we even prayed harder because we wanted to hear a reason you know something other than his village is too far.  I mean I had never given dating a chance before I met my husband and even gave him a hard time but he came at the right time and I embraced the idea of a future and marriage but little did I know that it would be this hard.
So after lots of unwanted weight loss, exam failures, stress in general, I got the approval that I needed (at least I thought we did) and we got married.

First presentation at my trad wedding in 2007

looking for my better half

my mom greeting hubby

hubby and I still at the trad in 2007

3 months later in Florida (03/2008)

 

Our evening outfit at our wedding

 You can see how happy we were and we are still going at it, we felt like winners after 4 years; we thought it was over. Well there have been yet so many trials...i was so embarrassed at my traditional wedding at all the insults that happened in Nigeria (you would cry for me if I shared with you and you will be surprised as to how I pulled off so many smiles in my pictures) and to top it up we came back to the states and it didn't stop but at this point I was done.  I was ready to walk down the aisle myself.  I was ready to direct the attention away from me...I couldn't wait for the wedding.
Fast forward to the wedding everyone put their act half way together and it was a success (just for that day).  Ok basically I am writing this because obviously there are still hurtful things still said, even now that a baby is involved.  I've heard reasons like you married too early and your father wasn't ready and you know you were his favorite.  How can that be when he has made every attempt to deny me happiness unintentionally at first but now even after I had made it clear.  My husband and I have cried about this many times, had sleepless nights about this, been stressed to the point of a miscarriage.  What will you do if you were me? and this wasn't even your in laws but your own parents?  To make things difficult my in-law accepts me as their own, I wished for so many years that my hubby will get the same kind of treatment from mine or even their daughter may deserve a little good will but no! it has been too much of a favor to ask.
I had ignored them for a year, and my stress reduced to like 90%, I achieved pregnancy with no help (after 3 years of hubby and I trying but due to stress my ovulation was jumping ropes); I had no problems; the best part I got so many compliments that I seemed happier.
Hubby wanted this relationship with his in laws so bad that he pushed for me to try even harder until he realized what it was doing to me and kinda did his own thing.  He called them more than me but yet they never seem to appreciate any of it, he sent gifts but there was always something wrong, they crushed him with their words at any opportunity. And whenever they do they go back and dig up how much they hurt us at our weddings and how proud they were and they should have worked a little harder.
Well now they pushed my husband to the wall.  My husband for the first time (as quiet as he is has now said enough is enough).  With tears he begged me that he has no more strength to continue this. He has a family now and this is too much amidst all the other responsibilities that we have.  I am so lost at what that means but I am afraid to even ask.  I've gone for a long time without talking to them but I usually forgive them (my husband had never supported this and so never joins in on it) but you know how everything always seems to be his fault ... I am so lost and yet there are family members still saying keep trying.
Is it what the stress I mean to think it took a million people to plead with my father to come and see his first grandchild ... I didn't even want to open the door I was unsure if I wanted my daughter around such negativity.  I am still unsure because I did grow up with a lot of negativity.  And I still wonder did he come to visit for a better future or because people were starting to tell him how wicked he was and that his grandchild didn't deserve it. 
Well here goes another bitter day in my sweet bitter life.  Thank you in advance for reading, I welcome anonymous responses and please excuse typos I just poured my heart out and couldn't write it all since it can't all be said.

Catch Up With Us!

I'm baaaaaack.  Thanks everyone for your wonderful wishes- hope you are all doing well.  I just sat for my 9-hours-board exam this past Saturday and I will find out the results in 8 weeks.  Her Papa watched her while I was gone and seriously she didn't have any missing parts.  Just kidding he actually does a great job watching her.  I mean hubby fights to hold and care for her.  I can tell that he will spoil her though since he tries to ruin every routine I create whenever he returns- but he is learning very quickly. What did I do since I disappeared?  I peeked at some people's blogs and even couldn't help but add a few comments here and there.  I settled into Florida; at least for now I'm starting to get used to the whole idea of heat in the Winter (ummm Not! really what's up with that?).  I attended a close friend's wedding.

The Fam!

Mr. & Mrs. Okparaocha

I visited my sisters twice....the first time was to get out of town and the second time was for wedding shopping. Yep! Someone is getting married (so excited!!!!!)- my sister (aka runaway bride) is engaged and getting married in 3 months (like seriously cross your fingers).

My Sister & her Yori Yori

 My cousin got married and I unfortunately was not able to attend. My sister and husband to be did though.

Judith & her Yori Yori

I prepared a meal for hubby almost every day (not counting when his ship went to sea).  Hubby even acclaimed one day how grateful he is that I was no longer a million miles away.  I was going to ask if it was because of the cooking but I figured it was sweet either way you look at it.  I actually love to cook and he loves to help or do the dishes afterward.
It was very difficult studying with my quickly growing child.  She has gotten even more active and very easily bored.  One minute she will be entertained by something and the next minute she would want something else.  I learned her many different languages (I can tell you what every sound means and even when she is fake crying just for my attention)- my hubby is amazed by it.  I can be in the kitchen and he will have her in the room and I will scream out to him she pooped and needs her diaper changed.
 Mmeso cannot run up the stairs just yet (http://thesweetbitterlifeofanigboprincess.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-kid-ran-up-stairs-at-4-months.html) but she climbs everything like the picture below of her in the bath robe - she was 4.5 months (we already had to drop down the crib bed to give Mama piece of mind);

she can sit without support (4 months old) ; says dada; imitates sounds; I thought her how to go to sleep on her own with the Cry It Out Method (this does not mean I let her cry forever)- she also sleeps from 8 pm to 5am (can someone say awesome)

singing children praises in her dress blues

plays with her hands and feet ; mouths everything in the world (scary); turns both sides; recognizes her own name (love it!); stranger anxiety is in full gear (:()

getting down to business with her book

 crawls backwards (this is hilarious by the way).

trying to crawl

First time she had rice cereal

Even learning to drive her Papa's car

Mmeso is a joyful child and we thank God so much for her.  Though breast milk is still the majority of her diet, Mmeso started solids- I bought the baby bullet and I make her homemade baby food (it is easier and cheaper for me).
I have also enjoyed being the stay home mom and wife but is now working on getting out of the house more. Obtaining a Florida License has proven itself to be a nuisance- it takes a long time but as soon as I get that then on to employment.  On another note I started insanity workout and I am on my second week- maybe one day I will post about my progress.  I am also working on our Family's Christmas letter/greeting.
Hubby found out he was going to be underway for thanksgiving so I prepared a bunch of dishes and we marked thanksgiving on Tuesday and though Mmeso was sleepy I got a picture that will do for her scrapbook.  I thank God for my husband, family, friends and that includes my blog friend, I thank God that my exam is over ... I thank God for giving us so much to be thankful for this year.
Happy thanksgiving and I hope that you guys had a wonderful thanksgiving - what do you have to be thankful for?