What a day

I had a good day today. I completed my paper; took care of some financial stuff; met with Andrea. We exchanged gifts- the four of us (me, Tori, Andrea and Kim) decided to exchange gifts and I have enjoyed mine so far. I shared with Andrea the traditional wedding album, and she enjoyed it as well. I love spending time with my friends and I can't believe we are parting, they are just great people to be around.
I drove to David's bridal and met with my sister, she was to join me to pick up my wedding dress. It was nice to hear her opinion about everything and it was nice to enjoy her company. She came by afterwards at the house and we talked and enjoyed dinner together. My in-laws and husband enjoyed her company and was surprised when she got up to leave, they wanted her to stay. I can't believe I will be living so far away from my family.
The rest of the evening thus far was spent chit-chatting with my in-laws and relaxing with my husband. I got a call from a very good friend that was invited to our wedding but failed to RSVP after so many attempts on my part to get them to RSVP. It meant so much to me that they attended but I thought they weren't interested, since no one called me or responded. It is unfortunate that now that the deadline is passed I heard from them. This has been the hardest thing to do, to say no to any of my well-wishers; I feel so special that so many people care to share in our joy.
I dream sometimes of the wedding feast at Cannan, an open feast and a miracle that will provide plenty to eat and drink. Besides that, it has been a good day and I have big plans for later today....hmmm it is now 7 more days left and this sums up an episode of the sweet bitter life of an igbo princess.

Where did I match?

In University of Kansas, Wichita. I felt it all along that I belonged there but I needed to know that I had all of my husband's support. He was there for me from point A to Z and I felt that not including him in this decision meant kicking him off the curb. He remains so dear in my heart, we sat there and of course I was nervous. I gave it to Jude to open it and o of course as suspected, it was my first choice. I am ready for the change and I am truly blessed that I have this great opportunity. Amaka, is excited for me although I sense she wishes it wasn't so far away; Olisa is happy for me but he is still awed by the strangeness; Uchenna is happy for me but teases me about the decision (LOL); Chioma is excited for me but is shocked that her sister is really moving; Sister Lilian is indifferent but wishes I will stay closer; my parents- I'm not quite sure; My in laws are not sure what to make of it. It was a tough decision, and the longest decision I've ever made, it was well thought out with many prayers but in the end I had to decide on what was best for us, and for my future. ...So today is a sweet day in the sweet bitter life of an igbo princess.

I can't sleep

It is 1:58 am on March 20,2008. I should be in bed by now but my mind is racing and I cannot sleep. It is 9 more days to our holy matrimony, and there are still things left to do. I have my research paper due last week, and it is still undone. Yesterday, was Chioma's bday and I almost forgot to call her. Uchenna and Olisa had a performance today at the Reitz union and I missed the whole show. Can you sense my tiredness? Today is a big day though, I find out where I matched for residency. I am a little nervous not about finding out but about me and my husband's first year as residents. I hope we score as high as we did in medical school or even higher. I hope we support each other 24/7, I pray for understanding and a long lasting marriage. I pray that I never become one of those statistics. I love my husband, and he means the world to me even if at times I don't think he realizes how much he means to me. I will go make myself go to sleep, good night....today is neither sweet or bitter, it is just sour...but it is still yet another episode of the sweet bitter life of an igbo princess.

Ok so all day we never discussed the argument, I figured he didn't care to know.  He has to win the arguments, or else he ends up saying that wasn't his argument. i.e. The traditional wedding band- their time of arrival.  The bible questions of his friend that he didn't know. But o know, if he didn't know it, I didn't know it either or my answer doesn't make sense, someone else had to tell him too.  

Even if I tell him I've read it or I know, he has to see the proof.  It is impossible, I cannot know it all but who said I did. Interesting isn't it. Everything with him is all about people watching, we went to visit some friends, and we pretended like all was well, this behavior was very typical of my father and I hated it.  He would have discussed it if I still acted angry but I dropped it although I was still very hurt.  I gave up bringing it up and tried to forget about it, but guess what it will always come back to hunt us because a day will come when it will arise, since it was never quenched.  

Sunday morning, another argument, about the time we came home from buying a goat....ok hold on let me check my phone, the date he gave didn't match up with my phone.  I wasn't disagreeing with his knowledge but how come my phone doesn't match up, how come my calculation didn't match up, but instead he rolls his eyes and tells me to take it or leave it (as if he was been challenged by me).  (am I so jobless that I choose to argue about the date- I wanted to know and I asked) Now a normal human being would try to figure it out with me; 1.e. let's see if we have the right date and then let's count back 8 days.  Then he realized he was wrong because he remembered the correct date but it is one of those things that if he didn't remember we will never sort it out because he doesn't really care, he isn't wrong. 

Now if he cared about learning the information, or the argument was dear to his heart do you not think he would go look up the statistics himself???? i.e. it is like an argument about bacterial  vaginosis- it took three arguments before he finally looked up the information. I didn't know what I was talking about until our relationship almost fell flat right in front of us and then it mattered to him and he looked it up.  Does it seem like someone that argues for a purpose??? or someone that argues purposelessly???  I hate arguing..... I told him what could cost the infection but every time he knew better and would argue about it...it always seemed to him like I blamed him for it but it was true that tamper with the vaginal flora cost it; I answer his questions even when playful, he finds a way that the blame is placed on him, it is sad because he is not the only one in my life that has this feelings.

It is funny people after meeting me tend to assume I am perfect in school, religious life, relationships, sex etc. why? I'm not sure...well because of this a little part of them are always in secure around me, so when I say something they always tend to challenge it either to proof that they also know things or to challenge me and proof to me that I wasn't perfect.  It is interesting how it works, because when someone else repeats the comment that I made it is not attacked as much as when I make it.  OR if I made that same comment in another setting it is not challenged.  It is funny because even they don't know when they do it or when they are caught doing it. It is an instinct that they cannot control. I am not perfect, I do things for me and not to please everybody else.

He came back to get me in the car only because he didn't want to be embarrassed in front of his parents, however, if I sat in the car and took it, nothing would have been discussed like Friday night, and when he came home he still did his best and kept it on the down low but never once touched on the topic.  It is also interesting what he took away from my grandma's advice, we should keep our tome down, however I don't believe my grandma doesn't want us to solve our problems, I also don't think my grandma meant that her granddaughter should be hurt in the means of keeping quiet.  It is fake to me when you do things differently because others are watching.  It is annoying when he always thinks someone is out to put him down or to blame him, I am not trying to brag but I had many options so did I have to choose the one just so that I can blame him, just so that I can call him good for nothing for the rest of my life, or just so that I can tell him how much he made more mistakes than me, and so on...it hurts to hear such silly comments and if we continue to use this kinds of statements every time something needs to change or every time one is corrected. The other feels useless and walks away from your life.  At times I see my father in him, he never takes correction and it is always ur fault; "it is ur tone of voice" "u don't talk to me respectfully" "u need to change" "u do it too" "u always have to blame me" ....it is never I gat you, I never notice it but now I will work on paying attention and avoiding such behaviors .... If he knows he is not going to win, he wants it to stop; or if he looses he still we never admit you are right, instead he will never mention that topic again :( Our culture and manhood and age -I don't think it will all ever come together to me. I know my life will be sweet and at times it will be bitter, but the bitter times throw me so much out of focus and I hope that one day it doesn't become so unbearable that I walk away from all these. Hence, the sweet bitter life of an igbo princess. 

It Makes No Sense

Friday afternoon, on March 14th.  We walked in to the court house happy and left angry at each other.  It is times like this that churn my stomach for the worst.  I was making an observant of why I thought many of these sites have a particular odor to it.  Which I thought, of the people that come in to these places, it had a common denominator; this I whispered to him.  It turned into an argument; it was one of his many arguments that never really begins or end, it is usually maybe  I disagree or agree, or maybe I would like to challenge it.  We went back and forth and some how I mentioned that many of the rich folks, don't come standing in line in the courthouse and he said what do you think these places are for, you think only the poor come here.  No that is not what I said, this is made for everyone and I told him I knew the purpose of the court house.  But the rich folks pay their trusted lawyers to take care of everything, since they are usually busy working.  I must have said something and then like a gun shot he said, doctors are not the richest, and what about other professions. And I said it doesn't matter, all rich people are included.  And then malpractice is not necessarily a criminal offense, and then more crimes happens in the ghetto, and he wanted proof of that.  (None of this made sense)  Now you know what is interesting is that this same statement was made about a week or so ago, Jude left his door wide open and went to work all day.  He had also dropped his wallet on the floor outside and I found both his wallet and door with no robbery and I said to him wow, you have got to be careful.  What if you lived in the ghetto? and he said you are quite right, I am more lenient due to where I live, I usually live my door open ....no argument guys.  I asked him why he chooses to live were he lives and why not save money and live in the ghetto? no response, I got the silent treatment.  However, my method of teaching things we will play this game probably a couple of times instead this time with me giving the silent treatment. Maybe after it annoys him he will not do it again.  That is usually the way that has worked with him, because if you bring up the issue, you will end up ruining your evening rather let him experience it and then let him be the one to complain and then you can mention when he has done the same.  But it tends to annoy him, because you didn't bring it up before, so it still brings up an argument but it is the only way I know to change things for the better. 

However, there are just certain times either he is in the mood to argue or he really feels like bringing whatever I say down, who knows? If you get it, please explain it to me.  It used to be quite worst and he said he loves argument and I told him point blank well I hate it! especially when it makes no sense. Which many of our arguments make no sense, hence the sweet bitter life of an igbo princess.

Wipe Out The Cobwebs In Your Life!!!

This is a true story of how ones kindness can be repaid with wickedness.
She happens to be a relative, but she is cold-hearted and narcissistic. Her name is Cobweb and her relative's name is Angel. Cobweb, about 3-4 years ago shared with Angel her troubles, she wanted to stay in the land of freedom but couldn't stay, for she had over exceeded her welcome. Angel felt deeply saddened for her and risks his career and status to bail her out. Angel got her out of trouble by disguising himself as Broom. Since then and until recently he protected Cobweb from been swept away, but has since then been in trouble himself. Angel is now disguised as Broom (same person) and Cobweb is Mrs Broom. She was no longer recognized as Cobweb, and hence she was never wiped out from the land. It was a big mistake but Angel will not find out until later. But Cobweb knew all along and enjoyed every ounce of the mistake, as she watched and laughed at Angels sufferings.
Mr. Brown (Angel) and Mrs. Brown (Cobweb) lived far, far away from each other and they lived their separate lives that way. Sometimes, they lived as what they truly were Angel and Cobweb, but whenever it was convenient, they pretended to be married as Mr. and Mrs. Brown.
A short while after Angel helped Cobweb, she found her own alike, Dust. Dust got her pregnant, but before word could get around, he married her. They couldn't get married because Cobweb was also known as Mrs. Brown, so they sent word to a different land of their intentions of marriage. In this particular land, the couples did not have to be present to be married, they can designate someone from both sides of the family to represent them and perform all of the marital rites as well as state their intentions of marriage. This was exactly what Mrs. Brown (Cobweb) and Dust did.
Shortly after the marriage, Cobweb requested Mr. Broom to travel on short notice, for investigations were around the corner and he had to play his part as Mr. Broom. Cobweb made her request on such short notice, and Broom at the time didn't have that kind of money. So he thought, since this was all in her and Dust's favor, he would ask that her and Dust pay for his ticket, but they refused. So Mr. Broom had to borrow the money to pay for Cobweb's troubles. See, it wasn't so easy for Broom to get out of this mess, because if word were to get around that he disguised himself, he would end up been locked up or sent back to the forest where he came from. Mr. Broom forgave Cobweb and moved on, for she was one of his favorite relatives. However, Cobweb didn't get it! she is a selfish brat!
One day while Mr. Broom was working, it was brought to his attention that he had a son, this was confusing to Broom because it was impossible, for there was no Mrs. Angel as of yet. And it would be disgust and taboo to do anything with Mrs. Brown (Cobweb). As smart as he was he thought to ask Cobweb, only to find out that Cobweb placed Dust's son under Broom's name to claim health insurance benefit. But did she ever think to ask or tell Mr. Broom, Of course not! she wanted obviously to ruin everything for him!! all to satisfy her own selfish needs!!!
This was how unthoughtful Cobweb was of others? Cobweb didn't stop using Mr. Broom, she used him to get her friends and family into that land of freedom and for other many more purposes as well. Some of which Mr. Broom discovered, and some of which he didn't. The sad part of it all is that during all these, never once did she or Dust think to say thank you to Mr. Broom. Mr. Broom (Angel's) misery didn't end there.
One day, Broom set out to invest in a house and on getting there found out that he couldn't make a purchase on a new home, because his income was not enough for a "third" house. How could it be, he wondered? For Broom only owned one house and this will be his second purchase. After arguing for some time, he thought of Cobweb and everything she had done in the past.
How dare Cobweb!!! He ran home in a rage to call Cobweb. She ran his credit without his approval!!! She pretended to be Mrs. Brown. How could she!!! and only then did she inquire his permission to buy a house with his name, for Dust did not have a good credit report. Well that was their claim. What!!!! Angel thought... No way! Not again! he had already placed a non-refundable down payment and he couldn't loose any more money for her and Dust. Besides, at this time, Mr. Brown had had enough of them. But she claimed that she couldn't wait and needed to buy a house to prepare for her father's arrival. She probably knew the whole time that her mother would not bring her father, but we will allow her the benefit of the doubt.
Cobweb's father's name is Chief Kindness and he suffered from an illness of been too sweet. His illness was becoming worst daily and every one worried about him including Angel. Chief Kindness was invited by Angel (Mr. Brown) to try the doctors in the Land of freedom. He thought maybe they could think of other ways to control this disease. So because of Chief Kindness, Broom gave in and allowed Cobweb to use him. Cobweb made a promise to Angel that in a year, Dust will fix his credit and Broom will be free of the house and loan. Dust was also in agreement with the plan at the time. Liars!!! another trap that Angel fell into due to his kindness. Because of Cobweb, Broom lost over $100,000 on that house.
Chief Kindness never came, his wife never approved. Cobweb "told" Angel that she has tried to reason with her mother and then he (Angel) tried but all to no avail. Chief Kindness passed away...a moment of silence....may his soul rest in perfect peace. A year came and went, and Mr. Broom (Angel) waited patiently for Cobweb's promise to be fulfilled, and another year came and went and yet nothing.
Broom, during all of this, met his sweetheart and began to speak of marrying her. Cobweb wasn't so pleased with the idea, because it would mean she couldn't use him anymore. Broom didn't care and one day spoke to her of his intention of re-disguising himself back into Angel so that he could be married and have a Mrs. Angel. But Cobweb refused, she wanted Broom to wait, all for her own selfish reasons. However, Mr. Broom knew better than to fall into her trap again and he stood his ground this time. She and Dust were selfish, they made no acknowledgment of Broom's needs. Cobweb and Dust tried everything in their power to prevent Mr. Broom from following through with his plans, but all of which failed them.
They were supposed to make the payments for the disguise but they refused. Broom did what he thought was best and encouraged her to file to remain a permanent cobweb in the land of freedom. She had to do this before the disguise was finalized but she refused thinking that it would stop him. Angel did what he thought was best and filed for her, he also made the payments to begin the process of disguising back into Angel. He knew that Cobweb had no intentions of paying for it. During this time, Cobweb felt that she had lost control over her prey (Angel) and so she told all kind of lies to ruin Angel's name but he didn't care.
Angel again, used some of his money to mail her some presents from her family members, which she has refused to pay till today. She lied to him that she would send him the moeny but never did. During the disguising process, he asked for documents of proof that the son was Dust's and not his, and her and Dust refused until they received official orders from a higher hierarchy. This was all part of delaying the process.
The lies were becoming overwhelming and unbearable for Angel. Hence he shared the true story to family members and friends of everything he had been through for Cobweb. Cobweb was ashamed but found lies to defend herself and her actions. She considered everything Angel/Broom did for her as merely nothing. Nevertheless, with time, the deed was done and Angel was no longer Broom, he was so happy to be free, he screamed and screamed for joy.
But now what about the house and Cobweb's promise. She still was yet to fulfill her promise. After all he had been through, Angel wanted nothing to do with Cobweb. He wanted nothing to do with her, her husband or the house. He had attempted many a times to reason with them but was insulted during the process. See Dust is just as wicked as Cobweb. Angel is stuck now with this other trouble. But Angel will find a way out, he has been praying to his good friend, God, who always looks out for his Angels. And about the other two, let's just say that there is always a new broom or a new machinery that will one day wipe out all the Cobwebs and Dusts.
I will update later ....

Me

I am Princess Chinenyenwa Ogechukwu Immaculata. Everyone calls me something different so feel free. I hail from Umuokpala Etiti-Enuiyi Ifiteora-Nawgu, Dunukofia L.G.A., Anambra State. I was born and raised in Lagos, Nigeria. At the age of 14, I moved with my family to the US in September 1998. I have a B.S. in Chemistry and I will have my Medical Doctorate Degree in three months. In December 2003, I met my husband; it was a week before my graduation from the University. We married traditionally in December, 29 2007. My marital home is Umuodukwu Umuchoke Umuorlu-Isu, Nwangele L.G.A., Imo State. We will complete our religious marital rites in March 29, 2008.
I wish the story of my life, is as simple as I made it seem. :) Some have said Chichi, you can write a book about your life. I do not intend to do just that, but I will write as I remember past events, as well as current events. Therefore, sometimes my postings will be current events and other times, I may take you way back. Hopefully you will enjoy reading.
I am a reader and not a writer. I am the type that is always smiling regardless of my mood. I am also the type that puts away my feelings so that I can be there for my friend. I am a princess only in my village but yet a servant everywhere else. I have lived on both sides of the world, hence a victim of two different perspectives.
My parents brought five of us into the world. I am the second child of three girls and two boys, and I am neither the first nor the last girl. I am very forgiven, and very rarely am I loud, hence people tend to take advantage. I am loved by many and disliked by a few. My strength and weakness is honesty.
The simple things tend to make me happy, so don't work too hard trying to impress me. Many people will say Chichi is "always" happy, but those who know me well will say correctly, Chichi is "mostly" happy. Some say I'm secretive, I say I'm reserved and slow to trust. My life is very unpredictable to me and to those who surround me. At times, it is sweet and at times it is bitter. Hence, the title of this blog the sweet bitter life of an Igbo Princess.

What do I do about him?

The answer is nothing.

He has used up all of his energy trying to control all of his children. We allowed it because she got into our heads with cries of "for the sake of his health." I always had the perfect solution; which was to never get caught doing something else, other than what I was supposed to be doing; and avoid him as best as I can.

I never asked of anything from them; I never really was one to ask- I was very self-reliant. I worked hard my whole life, so I never would have to ask for anything. I was 15 years old when I thought of the smartest ways to get out of the house and my friend (and teacher) suggested college was the best way. I never considered much of college because of our family income until my teacher talked to me about scholarships.

Boy! did I get to work! I filled out anything my ears and eyes came across and because of that, my way through University was payed for. But most importantly I escaped almost 4 years of verbal abuse. I say almost because he found methods to bully us through the phone.

He was very unfair. I remember that I was too young to open a bank account and so my account was under their name. They formed a habit of spending my scholarship money, and never once asked my permission. Well, they were older and what do I need money for?- trust me, this was the thought.

I wasn't the only one that was subject to this kind of treatment. I thought it would never happen again, but then it did. After the traditional wedding, all the money was gone. where did it go to? I don't know, but they took it. And till today still argue with their conscience about it; they believe they did the right thing. She even surprised me. She even asked me the night of the traditional wedding what I was going to do with my money. Because she didn't like my answer she told little man it will be shared and then told me later that he said it will not be shared. But now she claims she never thought it was mine and that it was made clear to me. It is difficult for me to trust again when I was lied to. Trust me, this will be the last time.

I know he never supported any of our decisions as long as we came up with it on our own. Or else it was similar to what he would have suggested. For example, he was expecting that I was going to graduate from medical school and he was going to ...u know i am not sure. booo u know so that he could pick a man he can control, so that he can continue to run my life. Tell me why I didn't think of that. :)

But I and my God had other plans. I tried to follow him with diplomacy, and drove there with my speech and every information about little. But s0=ome how he twisted the story and made it out to sound like I was dropping out of medical school .... However, the last time I checked I made the decision on my own to further my studies.
I wondered how making sure little's family was a good fit meant all of these trouble. But you could never confide in them for anything, they were too loud. For everyone heard about it, all sorts of suspicions were made about him, including that he might be from the "Osu" caste. Some of their odd friends spoke of 90% of Jude's people been Osu and so I was encouraged to forget him. That there was no need. hahaha I refused, I wasn't a child and neither was I stupid, they are to prove it to me otherwise I will stay where I am.

A year after I drove there, little made many attempts to meet with them but to no avail. His excuses were many; he needed to consult his brothers :); he couldn't welcome him, since it would mean accepting any pre-marital encounters with his daughter. There was an excuse for each time he called, until his parents came to the US. To our surprise, he welcomed LP.

The next thing we knew, we were making plans to travel home. We were filled with joy, that we were somewhat on time with our plans. We made all the arrangements, including purchasing our tickets and my parent's tickets. And during all this, he indirectly tried to control things; but for some reason was afraid to tell little directly, they always tried to go through me. That which, I never understood.

We went home to Nigeria and I never saw people act so unappreciative, I thought to myself if I were to do this again, I wouldn't. Nothing that he did was appreciated. "Everyone" (i.e. both sides) acted very selfish and disgraceful. I can't even begin to mention, but that was when I realized that I needed to focus more on my happiness.

The last statement was very helpful of late because it gave me the strength to ignore all of his recent threats and verbal abuse. He is learning too, they blame him for my every action, in order that they can manipulate him. He is getting stronger too. It is odd to think of it in terms of a battle but what other way can you deal with one who wakes and sleeps arguing.

So what do I do about him? Nothing

25 Days to the Wedding

It is 25 days from the wedding ceremony, and some have asked whether I am having cold feet. I may never feel it. I remember days before the traditional wedding in Nigeria, December 29. I was so busy and stressed out; I wanted everything to go just like me and Jude discussed. I was too busy to be nervous; I listened to everyone's pre-marriage advice including the ones that sounded more like insults. ALL I could think of is for December 29 to come and go. 

I had many sleepless nights dreaming about this day and then it finally came. The day that I was to marry my husband, Jude; there were many happenings, but little did I notice; I could have been bleeding and I wouldn't have noticed. I danced and danced until people begged me to stop.

As we near March 29, we have so much to expect; the completion of my research paper; my in-law's arrival; match day; OCS results; Easter; the wedding etc. With so many things preceding the wedding and with so much to look forward to. 

One thing is certain I cannot wait to form that commitment with God.