Keeping It All Together

I am open to ideas to keeping it all together.  Lately I feel like I am always trying to get it together.  I am expecting baby #2 in like a few months and my house does not even look like there is much anticipation.  Yep! there is still a baby who is pretty much attached to her crib, still wears diapers hence she still uses the diaper hamper ...Basically, our nursery is occupied by a baby who has the right to still be there lol. I remembered this time when I was pregnant with my baby girl I was doing laundry and putting them away in the nursery.

We have no idea if hubby will be here or not; since he received orders to be posted to the Islands and wee! I can't help thinking what if they don't find him anywhere close to home what will I do with two children all by myself.  I have been single lately with his multiple short sea trips for week long sometimes arghhhhh!!!!! (allow me to scream)The crazy thing is my daughter looks at me like mama has all the answers but little does she know I am screaming inside.

Oh yeah just like baby girl, we chose to make this baby's sex a surprise and way before mid second trimester the last pregnancy, I had landed a guy and girls name- don't even ask me what this baby's name will be because I sure enough don't know.  Sometimes my husband catches me reassuring him or her not to worry, that mama will have it all together by his/her arrival and if I don't we will wing it.
Yesterday, we had to install the baby's car seat and so Mmeso has to be faced forward (tear drop); (I highly recommend that you wait till 2 years old but in our case Mmeso will not be quite 2 before the little lad or lady shows up) she did ok during our ride this morning but we could tell she was a little dazed by why all of these little changes; little does she know that many more changes are about to take place. 

Work has been very stressful but I am doing my best to overcome the challenges as well as balance time with hubby and baby girl.  Something to look forward to, we plan to just halt our lives next week and disappear for a mini vacay/ honey moon and believe it or not it is going to happen.  We are both not sure if we will sleep throught the vacation or if we will drag ourselves out of bed and explore. 

I must confess I have all mixed feelings about the next few months; feelings of excitement mostly but anxiety since I have no control and mostly how Baby girl will turn out.  I have to admit I also feel a little guilt that I am not as prepared for our little surprise as I was with baby girl but all the same I am excited.  Baby girl- lately she gets so jealous when I hold or touch another baby, or pay attention to them or even hold on to her papa.  I am not sure if she will react this way whith the newborn but what I do know is that, she is aware that something is about to happen but isn't old enough to comprehend that a baby is coming and will change our lives forever.  Sometimes I do wonder out loud what de heck were we thinking!

Happy New Year!

Our Little Elf

At my Work's Xmas party

Happy New Year everyone! We thank God for our little girl because I felt like if it wasn't for her that Christmas would have just passed us by.  Papa put up lights this year and we had our tree from last year and we loved it. I had to work Christmas eve and the day after Christmas but we made Christmas the best for baby girl.  She got so much gifts that we had to take two breaks while opening presents.  I prepared basic dishes but was not able to commit to some of our traditional dishes. We did get out our Christmas letter and card though it was last minute lol.  And I still have a few more left but the ones left to send are to very close understanding friends of ours lol

On New Years Eve I had to work and returned home just in time- hubby and I talked about our goals last year and our goals this year, we thanked God for our many blessings and we were even greatful for the times of stress because with that definitely came many life lessons.  Hubby may be posted to another control and we discussed our plans if that were to happen.  It is a scary thought and we pray that it will not be the case.  I unfortunately have a job that is not flexible at the moment and the separation will add extreme stress to this mama and two children. 

New Year's day

Grandma is doing much better in terms of helping around the house, thanks to your prayers.  She has surprised me many a times and it has made the tension a lot better but I am still very leary and will probably stay that way.  She also seems to understand that it is important to her son to maintain a good relationship with his wife and child but I can tell that sometimes she feels left out and so she has begun to ask to go home.  Which I find normal; I find it abnormal for a woman who has a husband to feel so comfortable in her son's home (without her husband) that she makes her daughter-in-law uncomfortable.  Really what I mean is, if anyone should feel like the third wheel it should be grandma and not the wife. Anyways, we thank God sha.

On our way to church

Enough of that, my sister is bonding with her husband who just relocated from Nigeria last month, and last weekend everyone that haven't met him got to meet him at their second wedding reception.  It was good times, we all got to go and the baby seemed to enjoy being around everyone.  Everyone who hadn't seen me in a while were astonished to see my "big belle." :)

Sissy and Hubby at their wedding reception last wkend

Baby girl has no comprehension of it all and it is funny when she lays on my belle and the baby in my womb kicks back, she looks at my belle, looks at me and lays back on my belle again and when it happens a second time she starts to poke back with a very serious face.  I do tell her there is a baby brother or sister on the way who will be arriving very soon. And I know she will be a good big sister, but sometimes (esp. when she goes into tantrum mode) I really do worry.  Especially now that we don't know if papa will be here with us.  :(

Strolling with baby girl on her trikes

OMG! Is It Christmas Already?

Hubby and I have been so busy and so it feels like Christmas snuck up on us this year.  So prior to thanksgiving I imagined everything I would do to get baby girl in the Xmas spirit but it has been one thing after the other and I've only been able to get some of them accomplished.
We did manage to put up a Xmas tree with some ornaments but it was never done at the same time; Papa put up the tree and half was done with everyone around and the rest was done when we were all in bed.  I put up the ornaments and this year I didn't use our good ornaments, I went with the non-breakable ones from the dollar tree. (Pictures to come later.)  There are some presents under the tree and I finally figured out a big Gift for the baby girl. (I will do a post hopefully.)
Our Christmas card is on the way, I just got an email that it has shipped and I was going to skip our christmas letter this year but have got 2 people ask after it geesh! just when I thought no one actually reads them. So tonight I need to work on one.
 I stood in line at the mall waiting to get Santa pictures with baby girl but she didn't get the hype about the big guy and was not having any part of him, hence the reason I had to sit with her in the picture.  She wanted to run around everywhere and I was unwilling to chase her around the mall.  We got an ok picture and I had to sit next to her (will post soon).
I've got to get ready for a work Christmas party tonight, we've already attended papa's and we usually make our presence known and bid our farewell. lol
I will work on Christmas Eve and when I return I will wrap some last minute gifts (likely half asleep) for the family.  Amidst all of this  I didn't get a chance to think of what I wanted and so when Jude asked me what I wanted I thought he meant right then and my response was just 2 hours of sleep.  He is just going to have to surprise me. Hubby is finally getting a gift he's wanted for years but then I was too broke to buy it, he had already noticed the box and is very excited about it. It was too big to hide.
I bought baby girl lots of religous christmas books and she is learning how to pray; before she eats she mummbles and then make her really interesting 'sign of the cross' and it is so cute ...  before she goes to bed she screams words that don't make any sense but the tune is to the song "praise ye the Lord- Alleluyah- praise ye the lord" I help her with it and when she is done with her prayers, I or papa help her with words we understand lol and she tells us night night!  We can't wait till she can understand the story behind the Birth of Jesus Christ! It is my favorite story and I think amidst Baby Girl's stare at my lips as I read it to her she appreciates it as well.
I plan to somehow squeeze in the cinnamon rolls and apple cider this year again;  I'm not sure when or how but Hubby liked the tradition last year and he's working on baby girl to be in on it to. Because he knows if she isn't, the tradition may justgo bye bye for next year especially if work stays this busy. Here are some pictures for the card, papa did not show up because he was stressed but after that our schedules never allowed us to be off around the same time. Baby girl was not in her best behavior on picture day since she wanted to play with the other kids but overall the picture turned out fair and I'm just glad we got one.

So this year the Christmas card will be featuring just baby girl and it is perfect timing because we have been trying to focus more time on her since our family is growing :) Merry Christmas to you all! I hope you get to all spend time enjoying your families.

Wow! Indeed it has been a while

It has been awhile and for many reasons- (pause) too long to narrate.  I have been through a lot and have learned some very important life lessons. Let us just say it was a difficult road that took me to places I never wish to go again..... oooo there were some trial times, some trial times ... I saw everyone's true colors and it left me in shock for some time.
I may write about it later but for now all I can say is I pray that my in-laws learn to respect themselves.  I also pray that God opens my husband's eyes so that one day he can also join me and set one boundary.  Anyways Hubby came home in July and we've both been quite busy; between fully now caring for my Mother-In-Law who is in her 60s (Doctor's never found anything physically causing her debility but I am some how the cause of this with my special voodoo powers I didn't know I had) and both bouncing full time careers, and our very active daughter ... all of these have allowed me no time for myself let alone family time.
I am always tired from work all day at work and then I go back home to work.  I appreciate everyone who asked after me- thank you.  Baby is all grown up and continues to bring us much joy.  She knows so many words for her age, and knows how to communicate very well via sign language, she also comprehends the igbo language very well and is still doing well at daycare. She is too independent and I am not ready for that.  She puts on her own shows just usually has it in the wrong foot but refuses for me to change it, she wants to feed herself, put on her own lotion, bath herself, and wants to use her potty when I'm using the potty ... I am proud to be her mama but I wished she gave me some time in many things. I will stop here- below are some fairly recent pics of her. I hope all of you are doing wonderful!

Baby girl glad to say "all done" for her hair

this shirt does not fit her any longer- this was September

My shark- mouth full of teeth

doesn't let me do anything for her

Where Did My Baby Girl Go?

Today was my daughter's first day at daycare and I sure built up anxiety for her for no reason.  Seriously I missed the days when it was just mama and no one else.  We arrived at daycare and at first she was so clingy wondering where in the world we were going and then she saw the kids her age and immediately flew out of my arms forgetting that I was there.  I said goodbye to her and the kid didn't even flinch. Ok I thought she will miss me in a few hours...nooooo each time I called they told me how amazing my child was at adjusting, and how they've never seen this type of adjustment; and how friendly and playful she was; and how she is eating everything and she likes being read to (urghhh! I could have used a little well she fussed a little but was easily consoled).  I was glad though because I was able to focus at work, but at the back of my mind I wished the girl cried just a little ...she does that when I leave her with anyone else including her grandma.
Anyways, after work I rush over there and as soon as I got there she was so excited to see me, she was sitting so well behaved listening to her teachers before she noticed me.  Today's experience was definitely bitter sweet but mostly sweet. I'm so glad she likes her daycare, because it wasn't an easy decision. Boy! do they grow so fast.

Rest In Peace

A Letter To Our Daughter

Dear Angel,

I am writing you this letter because in just a few hours you will turn one.  It means more for me than you know.  For you the day is no different but for me this day was the day our whole lives changed for the best.  This time last year, Mama and Papa held hands together and wondered what you will be; we wondered what personalities you will portray as you grew; we had a lot of questions. And we prayed every opportunity we got.

Few Hours Post Delivery

Mama and Papa Mmeso worked so hard for you, we had a lot of obstacles planning you since we lived in separate states and lost half of each year to the military.  But the time that past I feel like it gave us an advantage because it got our mindset ready for parenthood, we got to enjoy timeless vacays and got to build a stronger bond.  Me and Papa have always been best of friends and we still are, you made us even closer.

You Love The Swing

Despite all of our preparations, you were still a very big surprise, because you were a humongous baby at 9 pounds 4.9 ounces and 21 inches long, but not only that, someone told papa that you would be a boy. I still think it is funny because you came out all girl and as perfect as we could ever have imagine.  Everyone wanted to carry you and play with you.  Right after your birth I was a little out of it and papa had to feed you a bottle :( boooooooo! it got mom a little worried at first but then you caught on to breastfeeding like a champ and we both loved it and we still do.

You Are Always Dancing :)

The next few months flew by very fast for us.  I felt like you were in such a hurry to meet your milestones which sometimes made mama and papa sad :(...we used to joke that you grew about 2 extra  months in utero.  Because the day after you were born you lifted your head on your own, some of your main milestones I recorded; at 3 weeks old you rolled from front to back; and at 3 months old you were sitting up; at 5 months old you started to crawl and you walked at 9 months.  You are an amazing little girl.
But sadly I've been working on trying to switch you to regular milk without success since I plan to stop taking the pump to work.  I am freaking out because you still will not take milk, or toddler formula, or flavored milk- just breast milk and regular food.  Something tells me though that you will adjust better than me.  I will take the pump but leave it in my car because I'm not sure I might follow through. I hope you are proud of your mama because we made it to your one year old bday and I will continue to nurse you after work for as long as the supply stays.  I feel so guilty about doing this though so I plan to show you this letter especially if you decide to opt out of nursing my future grand children.

On The Dance Floor At Ezioge's Graduation Party

You may look just like your papa but I see some of my personality in you.  You love to laugh even when you are sad.  The other day you started to throw a full on tantrum and I just cracked up laughing and you stopped and joined in and forgot whatever it was you were throwing a tantrum for.  I'm sorry chica, your mama does not have the heart to spoil kids so whenever I show you some tough love just remember that it comes from all the love mama has for you.

You've Got Your Papa On Speed Dial- You Love To Use Everything As a Phone :)

  You are a very strong willed child - a trait you got from your papa, I pray that it is put towards lots of good use like maybe you can be something great some day.  You are also a very active child and can't stay still that you got from your mama, which is funny because I am the only one that can tolerate you the longest maybe partly because you are my child.
You have changed me so much and I think of you every minute; I hate it when I'm not with you and I get jealous of those who get to spend time with you.  I have had to give up some of my hobbies and not care as much because I love spending time with you.  Like I am writing this instead of going to bed which means I will be very tired tomorrow but it is the only time I have to do anything because you are in bed.  We love watching you grow and your laugh is infectious.  You can turn a bad day for me into the best day ever and I know I do the same for you.  I know all the funny things to do to get you to chuckle.  I look forward to your continuous growth.  Nda, if you ever grow up and feel that you wished we were different just know that I did my very best and you are blessed and loved.  May God bless you with many more years, good health, a fun child hood ... Happy Birthday!!!

Love,
Mama & Papa