From Birth to Now

So I graduated from residency 4 days after I had her; enjoy her pics-  http://alysonvoth.zenfolio.com/p174662114 
I have been out a couple of times with my husband and even had some salsa dance lessons with some friends.  Thank God for the breast pump because I am able to just leave (usually for one feeding) and instruct people on what to do.  My goal is to feed her breast milk till she is a year.  It is free for one, and I also want to make show that she has all of the great benefits of breast milk, including decreasing her chances of obesity and its many complications; protect her from getting sick and potential for allergies which I hate dealing with by the way;  it also decreases my chances of breast cancer and so on and so forth (don't mind me- the doctor in me came out)
She has been growing like crazy and has started to do a lot of things especially smile back at me. The picture below was taken at 5 weeks old.

My sister lasted one week and went back to work but has unfailingly sent a lot of love our way; my grandma has been here ever since; my mom came for 3 weeks (that is all her work allowed her) and she is gone now.  My dad, brothers, and other sister wishes they could be here but we will be closer soon and they will have no excuse then lol My grandma and mom felt like I know too much for them to help me, because of my profession so I had to let them know a few times how much I have learned.  My grandmother is difficult to understand sometimes though but it is not her fault since she isn't educated and this is what she's always been told.

Some of the odd things that I can remember she's told me is that pregnant/ postpartum women shouldn't touch cold water; when I want to eat something she will tell me it is not yet time to eat that huh! I will often say and do as I please lol  She feels the baby needs to drink water (their kidneys don't know yet what to do with water and their little belly's gets easily full and water has no nutrients); she also needs "tangele" for her eyes- since it is itching (my response she is tired let me put her to sleep).  I didn't realize what that was so she showed me on tv a woman with an eye pencil and then I remembered seeing the "tangele" as a kid.  It isn't really make up.  I was told a few times not to carry her in attempt to comfort her since I'm tempting her with the smell of the breast milk. Then she asks me when does she start eating some crushed up food since my breast milk is not filling her up. This baby was weighing in last week at 11 ibs 9 oz, making plenty poops and pee, she is wearing 6 months old clothes, I pump out 6-8 oz each time what do we want for her to be? an elephant! Get this one if your baby's pee enters your pot of soup, you keep cooking (ok urine is sterile but how did this happen again???) and if the poop enters your pot of soup you scoop out that part and go on cooking (wait! again how did this happen???)

When her belle button stump fell she told me that you don't throw it away, as she was explaining what you do with it, I quickly threw it in the gabage for fear that she may want to feed it to the baby.  There is so much that i didn't know sometimes I feel bad asking her why since she has raised 13 children, my mom being one of them.

But some of these things makes no sense and she doesn't understand why I need an explanation and my explanations also makes no sense to her since her way worked, it has worked for many who came before me, what more explanations do I need. But my grandma is also very smart she can tell you from memory the important milestones that a child should meet- it is amazing. well I guess u should be an expert after 13 children.

On another note, we've been packing small, small to move.  Hubby and my siblings painted the baby's room.  I've been busy washing clothes, bottles, sterilizing and so on, my husband took care of these things when he was here, and now grandma is learning a ton of things.  My husband constantly tells her that "Beke wu agbara" lol
I only wish my baby would switch her days and nights, but Ive had a perfect baby so far and I thank God for her everyday and can't complain too much.
 I will someday post her birth story

Back to Work :((

So I have spent 7 wonderful weeks with my daughter.  For the first 4 weeks her daddy was with us but soon had to go back to work.  My husband is so good with her, and she loves to lay on her daddy's chest.  He even got many chances to feed her pumped breast milk.  He always asked to take her for a few hours so that I can get some sleep.  Do I sound like I miss him? yes oooo We would have gone back with him if I cut some of my time from my maternity leave but I couldn't afford to do that to her or myself.  I graduated from residency yay!!! but have a few weeks to make up.  So daddy will be coming back to get us. 

I have been more blessed after my pregnancy, Mmesoma attracted helping hands from all corners.  I wish she had those magic powers in utero lol.  At one point my grandma and my sister looked like they were fighting to hold the chic (nekwa nu mo).  Joke aside, my mom later joined us and spent 3 weeks with us.  It was great seeing all 4 generations together.

Today was a little difficult since it was the longest I've been away from her and was also sleep deprived.  But it was easier going back to work since I knew she was in the hands of someone who loves her very much.  And could you imagine the child boycotted bottle lol, she was hungry for the breast milk in the bottle but refused the packaging.  It did not smell or feel like her mom's nipples.  Could you imagine that she tortured herself until she couldn't bear the hunger.  When she decided to eat, my grandma said she pouted throughout her feeding.  My grandma couldn't stop laughing at my child and the frantic new mom on the other end of the phone (me). 
But what was great about the whole day was the happy grin I received when I came home.  She missed her mama and I missed her too.

Birth Announcement

I want to thank everyone who showed concern. Thanks for your well wishes and prayers.  Mmesomachi is 6 days old today and although alot of work, im enjoying every bit of it.  She needs me at all times since i chose to only nurse.  As i currently type in one hand, she is in my other hand doing everything possible to get me off the computer :) I will write more later.

  Enjoy her pics.  She weighed 9 ibs 4.9 oz and 21 inches long

Marriage Is Not A Trophy

Recently I have gotten this impression from people, especially single ones acting like their friends are now married so they can't talk any longer or she's so lucky her life is complete now. 
I see why people may think this, as a child growing up in Nigeria, I was taught that you learned to cook and do other domestic things, and you finished school, so that eventually an eligible suitor will find you suitable for marriage (or you can become a nun).  It didn't matter if you found a job because your husband may want you to stay home (nothing wrong with this especially if it is what you want).
Because of this a number of young girls and guys found it sad when a young girl claimed not to know how to cook; you began to question what type of wife or mother she will be especially if hubby wants her at home? (I changed my mind after I saw good mothers that are not domestic); Then if you met a woman who had completed her education, and attained a great job, independence but without her husband or parent's help, she may be seen as a lady who has multiple sugar daddy's.  One example is my sister who is a pharmacist and is very independent, many men are intimidated by her success as a single woman, living by herself.  Some of her friends the hubby will not allow their wives near her because she must not be good for her not to have found a lifetime partner ...
So for women definitely it seems like once you get married you have cut out some of your issues.  For men, they are not truly men until they are married with children.  So whether a man is mentally prepared (as in I am ready to settle down and be a family man) at some point he is hassled to get married.  Once he starts making money either from being educationally or business trained, he begins to get those questions when will you settle down; and when his mother becomes scared that he may obtain some illness from the cheeks he is sleeping with (as if marriage will end her son's bad habits) or that she may bring home the cheeck she may not get along with, she runs off and finds him the good girl and tries to convince her son that she is the right one.  It is usually the well behaved neighborhood girl that greets her well and cooked her meals when she was ill; the girl that watched her son bring home the hoes when she was at work.  The men were always taught to select a woman with little to no baggage so that you will have children and she is less likely to cheat. And the women are thought that men have slept with a lot of women but he chose you to be his woman forever so forget those past flings.  Then they get married to their "trophy" and everyone stops working on their relationship, they show up at functions together and so on...here is a message from Linda's blog:

Hello Linda,
I need a female perspective on an issue. I'm 37 and my wife is 35, we've been married 8 years and have 2 kids. We both have good jobs, home and a good life..on the surface that is.

Emotionally we have no connection. I feel her focus is the kids, the home, job, and friends in that order. She is a perfect mother to our kids and our home is amazing.

However we rarely have adult conversations, or spend alone time, and sex is 'ok', nothing wow! only go out to 'functions' and really live separate lives. I travel internationally for work, she travels for summer hols with the kids. There just isn't a connection between us. it's like we are 2 strangers who like each other and love our kids. if I went away for 3 months, I doubt I'd miss her, and vice versa.



For the kids sake divorce isn't on the table, but what happens when our kids are grown and i'm in my 50's? living alone in a big empty house with a woman I barely know???

I recently met someone who is vibrant, funny, intelligent, stunning, so so intelligent, that I fear I may cheat and it will be more than just sex...so far nothing has happened, but I can see the difference between my marriage and what could make me happy.

The question is, what's the best way to tell my wife she bores me? without coming across as a bastard? I need a female perspective from people who don't know both of us.

I am not claiming to be an expert on marriage but I hope to raise my children to think differently.  Marriage is hard work and you have to be mentally, emotionally ... ready for this lifetime commitment.  It is not enough for my son or daughter to finish school to feel ready for this process.  This young man in the above letter has reasons to be frustrated, but if you inquire he probably stopped courting his wife once they were married and vice versa. 
Once two become married, it is normal for us to become comfortable with each other; we all of a sudden relax and all of our annoying attributes becomes noticeable so that each day you choose to love and live with this person.  This is the reason why you are more in love with each other than the day you said I do or yes to a proposal.  After marriage, then the pressure becomes kids sometimes they throw in the man's face the other woman they suggested to him- "see Nkoli is so fertile, she is married with three kids, had it been you married her instead of Nenyenwa"
Many couples forget why they got married in the first place and allow too many people to inquire about their marriage.  Then you pop out the kids and you both have that pressure to maintain your job(s) since you now realize the pressure that comes with raising a family.
Before you know it everyone is doing their own thing as if marriage is a bunch of chores. 
Because of what me and my husband have seen and learned from engagement and marriage encounter weekends, we decided to wait one year before trying to have children.  It ended up being 3 beautiful years of good health where we expanded on our love, traveled, shared dreams, prayed together and sometimes reminisce on our 5 year courtship.  We are now expecting our first child and we have plans for date nights at least once a week; we both don't want too many children so that we can focus on raising them well in the way of God and that way we don't loose what we have.
We've both decided when intercourse in our marriage becomes boring, we will learn together and discuss what areas needs improvement.  We've also decided that we do not discuss our marital problems with the opposite colleagues at work, it is unnecessary and you never know that person's intention. 
We have also established that God comes first in our home, and then us, before anything else and when one feels that this order is altered then we talk about it.  We also agreed to always spend as much time in marriage retreats and whenever we need to talk to someone, we start with our pastor and if we feel we need more, then we both search for a christian based counselor (we are yet to need this). 
Like I said, I am not an expert in marriage but if your reasons for wanting to get married are not for your partner then don't torture yourselves.  Children and building a future maybe important but are secondary things that you both might want but never should come first in your marriage.
  That is why some of my cousins back home find their virgin wife and keep them at home with their beautiful children and goes off sleeping around with useless girls, spending money on them at hotels.  One of them told me my wife would not like to leave the kids and come to a hotel? have you asked her and she said no? then there was silence.  He has provided for his family, who cares whether he is with someone else and some women will actually say as long as he comes home to me I am not worried. 
So don't think you have it worst because you are single and distant yourself from your married friends because they've got the trophy that you don't have.  And married people don't get it in your head that you are better than the single person and it is because you did something right that you are married, because I am sure if you think hard you did not have a perfect life. It is not about whether you can find a husband, it is about whether you can keep your love going.  God bless you all!

catch up with us

So baby is still in the womb, which is ok by me because it still has some developing to do and his/her daddy isn't here.  The Navy has decided to send daddy home to us but 3 days to delivery date.  I pray for his safe return.  Every day is getting harder in completing tasks, the baby has dropped.  My sisters and mom through me a beautiful shower last two weeks and I was so excited to see my friends.
Flying to Florida was quite painful; my feet were swollen; there were men who watched me try to place my carry on in the overhead compartment and offered no help.  I am glad I am done with flying for now.  Then my four beautiful friends from medical school came last weekend for our yearly trip/ my fourth baby shower.  I was so glad we got to catch up, though it was not as exciting as our yearly NewYork trip but I made it up to them since I was too pregnant to fly.
I have done all the laundry for the baby and I've done the best I can in terms of preparing for the baby.  I cannot believe we are almost here.  I look forward to daddy coming home because I need his help and because we miss him.
Daddy has so much to do including moving his family back home and deciding what to do with the house here since I will be completing residency next month.  Everything is happening so fast.  I will catch up with you guys soon.

Call Me Whatever You Want

This is an email I received from one of the Igbo communities- I suppose the point of the message is to raise awareness or something- I'm not sure.

"Brethrens, It is a thing of abominations and a shameful act that the  biological mother of one of us, Mrs. ? ? ? and her sister Mrs. ? ? ? both are married to same brothers ? and ? ?, were having a sexual affair right in the matrimonial home of her daughter ? . A mother who left her frail husband in Nigeria only to come here to be sleeping with her son in-laws. It has always been said, the first time you were caught is not the beginning of your ordeal.”

Ok so basically I think he was trying to convey that some lady had 2 daughters, and her 2 daughters are married to 2 brothers (now I am not sure if he is also calling that an abomination); but what I am sure he is calling an abomination is that this mother (of the two daughter's) left her "frail" husband in Nigeria and came here to the U.S. and is now sleeping with her two daughter's husbands.  Is that what you guys kinda understood?

Ok I did not post the rest of the email but he went on to criticize how this woman brings shame basically to our community at large.  And he even made a comment that the apple does not fall far from the tree, I am not sure if he is implying that the young women may also be like their mothers.  One of the young women also belongs to this Igbo meeting and I have removed their names intentionally for these family's privacy.

Problem #1: who gave the writer (one of the executive members of the meeting) the power to put their business out there including their middle names and everything.  I suppose he is so perfect that there is nothing that he has done to bring anyone shame.  Goes back to the bible, if you have no sin cast the first stone; this idea obviously does not rest in our community.

Problem #2: He should have read the email before sending it to a large group of people, because I am still trying to understand his complete message.

Problem #3: If he is also trying to tell us that it is an abomination for the two sisters to marry two brothers; it is true in some igbo customs ( mostly because our people don't like the idea of placing all of their eggs in one basket) but I know one family member that this was broken and they talked about it all through my childhood but no one gives a hoot any longer.  They talked about it mostly because they felt that God was punishing them because for 17 years my cousin and his wife had no children.  Basically my first cousin (a male) insisted on marrying his sister's husband's sister (his sister-in-law)- do u get it??? I also know another, not in my family who was exactly similar to the quote mentioned above and no one talks about it any longer.  But I remembered in both situations it was often talked about like one woman was at fault, it was never the fault of the men who asked their hand in marriage- my cousin's wife was supposed to know that her brother was now married to her now husband's sister and not agree to marriage.  And in the other case the woman was supposed to know that her sister was already married to her now husband's brother and move on to the next guy.  I'm I confusing you yet? lol

Problem #4: Seriously, I may be missing something here; I have only been intimate with one man and I am married to him today but I remembered that it took the two of us for intimacy to first occur and it takes the two of us each time it occurs.  It actually took multiple attempts from him until he got the hint that the commitment with God must be a vital part of our lives.  

Now my point is not that I don't think women can seduce men or that rape does not exist but my point is that regardless of who seduces who, it takes two people to have sexual intercourse or else it is rape (which this does not sound like it).  Since it sounds to me like someone caught them???  Now why are we not criticizing the men involved, did they not leave their wives to sleep with their mother-in-law? (or is that not also an abomination?) or let me rephrase this, did the men not leave their children's mothers to sleep with their children's grandmother? or did the men not cheat on their wives with the same woman (who so happened to be their mother-in-law)?  Also is it not true that it is also not the beginning of these brother's ordeal?

Why is the writer only talking about grandma who left her "frail" husband to come sleep with her son-in-law?  Mind you, I do not agree with any of this disgusting business, and I find it sickening but if we must write about their business to the Igbo community then critique all parties involved please.  I am very certain that the brothers did not leave their penis sticking up and the grandma came in and climbed on it every time she was in the mood.  I can also imagine that these acts were not done when her daughter's were home?  so It is possible that grandma does not have a job and does not leave the house, and her son-in-laws came home during work hours to sleep with the woman.  You can go on and on but seriously when a shameful sexual act is done, although there is temptation, the two parties need to suffer the consequences.

Let me take you guys back to Genesis, were the serpent convinced Eve to eat from the forbidden tree, Adam knew about it but still decided to join his wife and enjoy the forbidden fruit.  When God asked him he said it is the woman you gave to me that convinced me to eat from the tree.  and Eve said it is the Serpent ... God punished the serpent forever but God also punished Adam and Eve.  He did not punish just Eve since Adam was just as responsible as Eve regardless of how it happened.

So this writer and people who think like this need to curb their way of thinking;  I always hear of women who attack their husband's girlfriends and I never saw myself doing that.  Why? she is not my husband, she was probably not there when we made our covenant with God so what is my business with her.  I welcome your thoughts and you don't have to agree with me.

 

Easter Messages

A friend of mine shared with me this young girls name and I happened to look her up on google search and stumble across this very unique and interesting story.

Read her story -  http://dcicons.org/forum/topics/angelica-zambrano-dead-for

Be prepared because it is a long narration, but I still think it is worth sharing.  It is a narration of a young girl's vision about hell and heaven.  Again it is very long so take your time.  My two cents- you have to be very careful about how you interpret the nitty gritty, I think the overall messages are great and a reminder for us to tell those who don't know or who will not listen the message of our Saviour, Jesus Christ. 
My take on the message-
1) Heaven is real and so is hell;
2) Repent before it is too late and it is much sooner than we think;
3) Practice what you preach, and be sure that what you preach is according to the words written in the bible. 
4) God is merciful and has provided everything we need to avoid hell- which was created originally for Satan and his Angels. 
5) Do not spend your time thinking your church or your bare-minimum-church-related activities will save you; you always have to give more and lead as Christians. 
6) Hanging on to your bible, cross, rosary, fav. grandma, saint, Mother of Jesus etc. has never been the way and we should all know that; unfortunately I have met a lot of Catholics that think this way, hence giving other christians that wrong impression. 
7) Discover the Lord for yourself and embrace him, it does not matter what church you worship, all he cares for is that your soul is constantly in his favor ...I can go on and on with my Easter messages but the conclusion is that our time here on earth is very short and it is time for God to be more of our priority.
8) Will you be ready if Jesus Christ comes right this very moment? Scary isn't it- I've got some more work to do.

God bless you all and Happy Easter!